3 October, 2018
Claudia Bruna, a family coach, gives us some keys to connect with our children and improve communication with them, generating moments of connection through family sports
Sport in the family is undoubtedly a very good channel to approach our children and generate close ties and deep conversations.
"Papa, how far are you! Maybe if you get close to me, we can connect and get to know each other better. "
I have always been surprised by the communication that children have between them since they are very small. I captivate to see my daughters playing and talking with her friends. They have magical conversations, it's really fascinating.
What prevents them from having this space of openness and confidence with us? This question, which has been reflected for a while, coincides with the issues that arise in my workshops and sessions: my son does not communicate with me; my son does not tell me anything; my son does not listen to me In many occasions there are communication problems between parents and children.
Probably there is not a single solution to get our children to talk and communicate with us. It is a sum of variables that make this possible. They partly depend on you and part of your child. My belief is that if we generate a nice and safe space for them, we can help them communicate a little more.
How to generate a safe and open Connection space
Connection or Report is a coaching skill that tries to create a safe space between two people, in this case between your child and you. Report is an English word that means good relationship, understanding and understanding. It is about generating a communication space where your child will feel comfortable to approach you and express everything you need. It is a fundamental competence to discover it in depth. To know who your child is, how he feels, what he or she thinks or what he needs of you or your surroundings in these moments of your life. From there, we can create empathy and help them. The connection is the first step for any relationship.
Benefits of doing sports in the family
Family sports have multiple benefits and it is certainly a good time to generate these spaces for connection and communication with your children:
There are many sports you can choose to do in the family: biking, swimming, hiking, tennis, skiing ... It does not matter so much the type of sport but everyone enjoys this activity. The sport that generates more connection is the one that your son chooses, it is the one that makes him enjoy and that allows him to be himself. When your son is connected with his essence, with his deeper self, he is able to open himself, communicate and be happy. From a place of discomfort, boredom or irritation, it is difficult to open and communicate.
Discovering the best of each without impositions
Sir Ken Robinson in his book The Element speaks of a so-called concept. He says that we all have a driving force in our interior, that once released, any dream can come true. It is the force that arises when you are connected to who you are actually. Over the years, says Robinson, we are disconnecting from this force and we're doing equal to others.
It is not a matter of turning children into what we want them to be but to respect what they are and to promote their essence. It is in its essence where self-esteem, trust, security and without a doubt its happiness reside.
Sometimes, the tendency of parents is to bring our children closer to our hobbies, which we know about. Show them this part of us is wonderful, so that they discover us, learn more and develop empathy. Now, it can be a problem when you stop listening or empathize with yours.
"True education is to bring to light the best of the person." Socrates said that there is no "teaching" but only learning. Therefore, it is necessary to remove and discover and not impose or force anything in the children.
So if you want to make a good connection with your children, we must discover their hobbies, what they like to do and support them. Children are not like us, but different and with their own characteristics and personality that we must discover and maintain, since that is where their fullness and happiness are born. If we try to be like us, we will generate disconnection, not only with us, but with themselves and lose their essence and their true self.
'Only if I feel valuable to be as I am, I can accept, I can be authentic, I can be true.' Jorge Bucay
And if we have more than one child, then you know what it is ... ;-). I have three and I have discovered a lot of new sports and activities, where I have noticed many things and has helped me discover a little more. So it has been a gift too for me. And sometimes I have to say no, and I explain why. I teach them how to respect others, to empathize, to understand that we are all different and that we have different tastes and above all, I teach them how to say no. So, finds the balance that above all makes your child open and be himself, while also learning from life.
It is normal to be scared and be too inclined to show us how we really are, to open ourselves fully. We are afraid of rejection, not being understood and showing us weaknesses. In the case of children, they are especially afraid of not being loved. If parents show proximity, trust, understanding and respect, we can help them to open up more easily. From tranquility and bravery. It is about intensifying our communication by shortening the distances. Take our level in every way because the differences and discrepancies disappear and thus create a space of value for them.
Sport in the family is undoubtedly a very good channel to approach them and generate close ties and deep conversations.
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